As children grow up and become teenagers, it’s common for them to decrease the frequency at which they talk with their parents and the amount of information they choose to share. Before encouraging your child to open up to you, it is important to know why children may choose to withhold information in the first place. Adolescents may keep information to themselves if they think that it could become material for gossip or if it may incite negative judgment. When children tell you something sensitive, remember that it requires them to become vulnerable and may be something that they prefer to keep private. Further, children may not share stories with their parents out of fear that it might cost them their autonomy or prompt unwanted advice.
If you have a young child that’s open or maybe an older child that’s beginning to close off, here are a couple of tips for strengthening communication between your child and you. First, be sure that you are making time to regularly engage and interact with your children; an easy way to do this is through family mealtimes, as eating meals as a family creates a setting that encourages conversation. When children share stories with you, make sure you’re not making any assumptions about their behavior or feelings; instead, ask them about their own emotions to better understand how they’re feeling. Further, it’s okay to connect with what your child is sharing and to relate it to your own stories, but ensure that you don’t accidentally steal their thunder, as it may make them feel like their story isn’t as special.
Finally, children may be upfront about why they aren’t communicating with their parents as much. When this happens, it’s vital to consider what changes you need to make in order to improve communication with your child, as it will ultimately help your child feel more comfortable sharing information with you.
In all, to encourage open communication with your children, make sure that you’re making time to socialize with them and letting them know that any conversation is welcome.
Kylie Robinshaw
Research Assistant, UConn KIDS
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