Ted Talk Thursday: The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy

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There is no such thing as a perfect parent; mistakes and struggles are just part of the job. That being said, there is almost nothing as impactful as interpersonal relationships, as repair can be. Repair can be defined as the act of going back in a moment of disconnection, taking responsibility for your behavior, and understanding the impact it had on the other person. This is different from an apology, which aims to shut a conversation down due to the desire to move on, while a good repair opens a conversation up. 

Repair also helps to avoid self-blame, which is something that works in childhood, as it is a survival mechanism in which a child feels safer internalizing the blame and thinking that they are bad rather than perceiving their parents and the world as unsafe. This helps them build a sense of security. However, this is not healthy going on in adulthood, as it fuels feelings of unworthiness, anxiety, and depression Recognizing that self-blame might be an old, adaptive story rather than a current truth is the first step towards healing, allowing us to understand our past and strive for a more self-compassionate present without needing to achieve perfection.

Learning how to repair allows for compassion and understanding, models emotional regulation for your child, and is a model that is ideal to pass down to the next generation!

To watch the full Ted Talk, click here!

Alexandra Lagaros, UConn KIDS Research Assistant

Ted Talk Thursday: The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy

Posted on by

There is no such thing as a perfect parent; mistakes and struggles are just part of the job. That being said, there is almost nothing as impactful as interpersonal relationships, as repair can be. Repair can be defined as the act of going back in a moment of disconnection, taking responsibility for your behavior, and understanding the impact it had on the other person. This is different from an apology, which aims to shut a conversation down due to the desire to move on, while a good repair opens a conversation up. 

Repair also helps to avoid self-blame, which is something that works in childhood, as it is a survival mechanism in which a child feels safer internalizing the blame and thinking that they are bad rather than perceiving their parents and the world as unsafe. This helps them build a sense of security. However, this is not healthy going on in adulthood, as it fuels feelings of unworthiness, anxiety, and depression Recognizing that self-blame might be an old, adaptive story rather than a current truth is the first step towards healing, allowing us to understand our past and strive for a more self-compassionate present without needing to achieve perfection.

Learning how to repair allows for compassion and understanding, models emotional regulation for your child, and is a model that is ideal to pass down to the next generation!

To watch the full Ted Talk, click here!

Alexandra Lagaros, UConn KIDS Research Assistant