Research has shown that shy children are more susceptible to insecurity, peer pressure, and anxiety, and are likely to be insecure and reserved in adulthood. Encouraging a shy child to break out of their shell can be tough, given the pressure it puts on children to breach their comfort zone. However, when parents take actions that reinforce shyness, it teaches children that they do not need to be independent, which in turn may lead to increased avoidance of uncomfortable situations. 

Nonetheless, shyness in children is fixable through gentle, patient assertiveness. Psychologists suggest encouraging your child to act confident and bold. This can be done by creating a hierarchical series of steps for your child to follow, starting with something that requires a little bit of confidence and ending with something that requires a lot of confidence. Using a modeling technique, where the child would copy your actions, for each step could also prove to be beneficial for building confidence. For example, you could explain that you’re going to say “Hi,” to some friends and enact it with a handshake, and then after seeing how it’s done, the child would do the same. Some activities that you could encourage your child to engage in to help boost their confidence include, participating in class, joining a sports team, and joining clubs at school. 

There’s no set point for how long the process of confidence-building will take, as children who tend to be shyer may require longer periods of guidance. Further, moments of failure should be expected and accepted while your child works past their shyness; failure, nonetheless, is beneficial as it shows your child that while embarrassing moments happen, life goes on. Overall, the process of helping your child work through their shyness is a fulfilling process that will produce lasting benefits.

Kylie Robinshaw

Research Assistant, UConn KIDS

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